Mrs Mallard
by Seosh
Summary: Ducky's faced with a conundrum... and there's no one left but Tony and Ziva! Click to find out what happens! OneShot.


**Mrs. Mallard**

Disclaimer: Rarr…

A/N: For the purpose of this story, Mrs Mallard has not passed on yet… Enjoy!

.::.

"Well hello there Jethro! How are you on this fine afternoon?" Ducky announced dramatically as the autopsy doors slid open.

"Hey Duck, not bad myself, what'ya got?" Gibbs stared at Palmer's face to the dead sailor on the metal slab.

"Well, I'm good Jethro but not that good, I've barely begun the autopsy," Ducky paused and reached for a tweezer, and very carefully he teased out a bullet lodged in the depths of the organs, "Well… in fact I think I may have found the cause of death…"

"Bullet?" Gibbs quirked his eyebrow upwards.

"Actually no Jethro, seems like this marine was poisoned, the organs show signs of discoloration and…" Ducky was interrupted as Gibbs began his usual exit.

"Call me when you've got more Duck."

"Uhh Jethro!" Gibbs reversed his footsteps and gave a nod, "well I was wondering if you could take care of mother for me, I won't be home until quite late, and it is not the wisest decision to leave her all alone."

"Sorry Duck, I'm gonna be pulling an all nighter here," Gibbs rejected and left.

"Well that's going to be quite a conundrum isn't it?" Ducky asked rhetorically and turned back towards Palmer who was smiling like an idiot, "what is it Mr. Palmer?"

"Well, I could take care of you mother if you'd…no? no? Don't worry about it," Palmer stuttered as Ducky shook his head in disapproval.

"Mr. Palmer, back to work perhaps?" Ducky winked at the poor fellow that lay in front of them. Palmer smiled and attended back to his job of analyzing the body.

"You know, this reminds me of a time when I was working as the county ME, I'd gotten so caught up with my autopsy that I had completely lost track of time, mother sat at the living room until midnight when I finally arrived home," Ducky laughed from the memory of the story while Palmer watched on captivated, "Mr. Palmer, hand me the scalpel… oh dear lord."

At that moment autopsy doors slid open once again, this time inviting in the company of Tony and Ziva.

"Anything new Ducky?" Tony strode in behind Ziva.

"Actually Anthony my boy, we've just stumbled upon a new discovery…" Ducky went off on his usual as he recited a breathless amount of background information.

"How does Gibbs always know when people find something," Ziva whispered softly into the air towards Tony.

"Umm… maybe you should ask him that," he whispered back, just in time to catch the last of Ducky's words.

"Thanks Ducky, we'll tell Gibbs," they turned to move before Ducky stopped them like he had done with Gibbs earlier on.

"Tony, Ziva… I don't mean to bother you, but could you look after mother for me until I finish up here?" Ducky asked hopefully. Tony groaned before receiving a nudge from Ziva.

"Of course Ducky, Tony and I will take care of everything," Ziva smiled and ushered Tony out.

.::.

As soon as the elevator doors closed Tony let out a whimper, "Why did you say we would?"

"Because we are free, or were you busy tonight Tony?" she looked at him a little disappointed.

"No, I'm not, but you didn't have to pull me into this," he looked at her reflexively.

"What is wrong with Ducky's mother that has you all roped up?" Her eyebrow dipped in question.

"I think you meant _wired_ up, anyways… have you ever met Ducky's mother?" he asked as if she was insane to question him in the first place.

"No, I have not; she cannot be that bad… can she?" Ziva's face morphed to one of worry.

"The last time I played baby sitter for Mrs. Mallard, I ended up moving half the house and reminding her who I was a hundred times over," he gave her a mocking smile.

"Really? I don't think that sounds too bad…"

"Oh, you have seen nothing yet Ziva."

.::.

They drove up the driveway and parked the car under the porch. Tony took a dramatic gulp before he shut the door.

"Oh don't be such a baby!" Ziva threw her head back in laughter.

"You can knock," he signaled for her to lead the way. Ziva rolled her eyes and gave a light thud on the double wooden doors.

"She's got corgis too," Tony reminded Ziva, "lots of them."

The doors swung open and revealed a very frail looking Mrs. Mallard, "Who are you?"

"Hi Mrs. Mallard, I am Ziva and this is Tony we work with you son at NCIS," Ziva introduced them.

"No, my son's not home at the moment," she gave them a slight nod and began to close the door, she hissed like a snake when Tony moved to stop the door with his hand.

"Who are you?" she pointed at Tony.

"Anthony DiNozzo, remember me? I was here a couple of years ago…" Tony smiled reluctantly.

"Anthony DiNozzo? You're Italian!" she spoke with a cheer that was not normal.

"Yes I am…" Tony played along.

"Do you move furniture?" Tony laughed and turned towards Ziva who definitely looked like she was enjoying their conversation.

"I told you… she said this the last…" Tony murmured softly to Ziva but was disrupted by Mrs. Mallard.

"Do you move furniture?" she pressed.

"I could," at that she retreated inside and the two agents followed suit, "what would you like me to move this time?"

"Who are you?" this time she pointed towards Ziva.

"Me?"

"Yes you, who are you young lady…" she narrowed her eyes at Ziva.

"I am Ziva David…"

"Show me your knickers," she commanded, Tony snickered silently behind Ziva.

"Excuse me?" she turned around to face Tony, "Is she serious?" Tony nodded.

"Well, any who… you can both move the sofa from the living room to my room," she wandered off towards the glass doors.

"You wanna know what's the worst thing about this?" Tony appeared at Ziva's shoulder.

"What?" a stunned Ziva responded.

"I'll show you," Tony straightened and followed Mrs. Mallard, "and where is your room as a matter of a fact Mrs. Mallard?"

"Why upstairs of course!" Tony turned to face Ziva once again.

"We're gonna have lots of fun…"

"You were not joking when you said…"

"Nope."

.::.

When the front doors clicked open and welcomed home Ducky, Tony was still busy moving around furniture that he swore he'd moved a hundred times over.

"Ducky! " Tony ran up to the old man and hugged him, "I'm so glad you're home."

"How's Ziva doing?" Ducky placed his coat and hat on the hanger and followed Tony.

"Brilliantly, frankly I think she gets along perfectly well with your mother Ducky," Tony stated sarcastically.

"That bad is it?" They entered through the doors of the kitchen to see Ziva madly dashing around as Mrs. Mallard ordered her here and there.

"Mother!" Ducky called, "what have you got poor Ziva doing?"

"I'm teaching her how to cook…" Mrs. Mallard said plainly.

"What exactly?" Tony spoke to himself as he saw Ziva's eyes plead for him to help.

"Ducky! How great it is to see you! I think it will be best if we left now," Ziva turned off the fire on the stove and gave Ducky a quick pat on the shoulder before she dragged Tony out by the collar. Within a few seconds Ziva had pulled them safely outside away from the nightmare.

"We are never doing this again," she marched off towards the car.

"I told you, but you wouldn't listen," she eyed him to hurry, "well… at least she didn't make you wash and hair dry the corgis one by one, making sure every strand of hair is puffed up perfectly."

Tony started the car.

"She did."

.::.

A/N: I wrote this at 4 in the morning, so please excuse any mistakes! Reviews are always appreciated like an ice cream on a hot evening. =)

-Ash.


End file.
